John and Jim: A Story of Conflict Resolution

John and Jim

A few years ago, two good friends quarreled over a conflict. For anonymity reasons, I'll name them John and Jim.

John had provided business consulting to Jim, and once John sent the bill, Jim thought it was too much for the service that was provided. This caused a rift in their friendship, and they could not reconcile.

John spent much time and effort researching and analyzing Jim's business, believing his price was fair. Furthermore, he had gone to business school for several years to develop the skill that ultimately allowed him to provide such quality consulting. Although Jim was happy with the final product, he was unhappy with the bill amount he was invoiced. He thought it didn't take as long to provide the consulting and that John wanted to take advantage of him.

Despite their long-standing friendship, John and Jim could not work things out. They had several heated arguments over the phone and in person, but they could never come to a resolution. The conflict eventually became too much for both of them, and they decided to go their separate ways.

Conspiracy

As a good friend of both of them, I learned about their conflict and thought it was a shame they couldn't reconcile their differences or come to an agreement. Having heard their arguments, I concluded they had broken a good friendship over petty arguments and a few hundred dollars.

Several years passed, and during this time, I learned that John and Jim wished they could repair their friendship, but their egos prevented them from reaching out to each other. Recognizing this, I took it upon myself to intervene. I spoke with them separately and relayed the other's desire to reconnect and make amends. Of course, they hadn't relayed anything, but that opened the door for them to talk again.

A few weeks later, I invited them and other friends in common for dinner, hoping they would forcefully come into contact again. They did and had a good long chat. I don't know what they discussed, but they solved their differences.

That was over ten years ago, and ever since, they have been good friends again and very much in business together.

Third-Party Mediation

Friendships can be broken over petty arguments and misunderstandings. Holding onto grudges and refusing to communicate can cause irreparable damage to even the strongest friendships. It's important to be willing to listen to the other person's side and to try to understand where they are coming from.

These conflicts can happen with our friends, spouses, business partners, siblings, parents, or children. After all, there's a different world in each of our heads. Whenever we feel we're drifting away from someone we want to remain close to, it's essential to be intentional about keeping communication and, if things are not progressing, to seek support from a third party. Having a neutral third party to mediate the conversation and help both parties to see the other's perspective can be incredibly helpful in resolving the conflict and repairing the relationship.

Regardless of whether they would have patched things up anyways, I am glad to have been a silent conspirator in John and Jim's reconciliation. Whenever I remember, I realize the power that a third party can have in facilitating conflict resolution. Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle them determines the outcome.