Becoming a Better Communicator

Communication is often disregarded as a helpful tool or skill. After all, we all learned to speak when we were toddlers and have been able to communicate since then. But it's vastly different to use words that help us cover our basic needs, such as asking for food and seeking comfort as babies, than it is to use them to get our points through, in the right place, at the right time, and to the right people.

Bad communication has led to wars and some of humanity's worst conflicts. Good communication has brought peace and saved the lives of many. Bad communication can tear families apart. Good communication can create new families out of strangers.

Are introverts bad communicators?

Having changed homes five times in my first 21 years of life was not exactly a comfortable situation for the introverted personality I was born with. Making entirely new friends every few amounts of years was not natural at all for me. When entering college, I thought of my personality as a defect, and to "battle" against it, I thought I should put myself in leadership positions where constant interaction was a must. As I attained those positions and time passed, I realized that my personality was not as much a defect as a virtue. I understood that being introverted didn't mean "being quiet" or "being passive"; it helped me obtain trust and support from others who saw honesty in my intentions and actions. One of the most important conclusions I reached was that when working on things I was passionate about, it was easier for me to communicate and talk about them. Erroneously, I thought that was the only important thing.

A painful communication experience

In 2007, I was elected President of the Business Leadership Program, an important organization at my university. With a USD $1 million budget, we organized academic-commercial missions in which nearly 100 students traveled the world doing business for Mexican companies.

The program was closely followed by hundreds of business people, our university's deans and directors, politicians, and the more than 20-thousand-student community. During the year, we held several presentations with students, professors, business people, and others. Most were private and, although important, did not imply communicating a message to more than a room or small auditorium. I thought I was performing well, and my public speaking abilities were improving. I was passionate about what I was talking about and could communicate the message well enough.

Well into the program, I was invited to an interview at the most important radio station in the country. It was a perfect opportunity for me to promote our organization and obtain more support since the interview would reach hundreds of thousands of people. Since I had performed well in previous presentations, I needed no preparation for this interview, or so I thought.

The interview started with general questions, and I felt I was answering most of them very well. But then questions started to get specific, and I became nervous until one finally caught me off guard: "So, Enrique, what do you want to communicate to all listening right now?" I realized I had not prepared for the most critical question of all. I didn't know what the objective of my presence there was. I improvised and said things like: "to, uhm, invite everyone to get to know the program; to look for support, uhm…." When the interview was over, I realized that, although the program had been promoted nationally, I had not obtained much for our organization from the interview. I wasted a big opportunity to engage with a large audience on a series of things I could communicate, but I never took the time to think through them before the interview. It was then that I understood that communication must not be taken for granted and preparation is needed for a message to go through the way one would want it to.

Since then, I've always tried to attend important meetings with at least one objective. Having that in mind is helpful throughout the interaction for us to know in which direction our message should be conveyed.

How to become better at communication

When it comes to communication, there are four things I've learned that can help us become better at it:

1. Writing: Putting our thoughts into writing can help us clarify and make our ideas more concise. It's a great way to practice organizing our thoughts in a way that's easy to understand.
2. Teaching: Teaching others is a great way to improve our communication skills. When we teach, we must explain things clearly and concisely so that others can understand. This helps us develop our ability to communicate complex ideas in a way that's easy to understand.
3. Listening: Good communication is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking. When someone is speaking, we might instinctively have the urge to comment or interrupt with a point or idea we have. We must train to resist that urge. When we listen actively and attentively, we show others we care about what they say. More importantly, we will have gathered more information and have better arguments.
4. Observing: Finally, observing others who are good communicators can help us improve our own skills. We can learn much from watching others communicate and adapting their techniques to our style.

Ultimately, the goal is not to become a perfect and flawless speaker but an efficient and clear communicator. I know achieving that state requires a natural ability and years of practice. However, exposing ourselves to those types of opportunities can accelerate our experience and help us become better communicators in the long run.